another new year

i'm still up, as usual doing my thesis. i just had to take a break.

i was listening to dave matthews' songs and i couldn't stop myself from missing my ex-boyfriend. we both like the band and he had given me those mp3s.

generally, i feel okay but there is that certain feeling of emptiness and loneliness. i talk to people but i miss telling/talking with somebody on how my day was. i miss telling that special someone of how i truly feel, what goes on in my head, how tired or sleepy i am. i miss texting sweet nothings. jeez, i'm crying.

do i miss my ex-boyfriend? or do i just miss being in love and being loved?
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i went to the 5th YFC reunion party last saturday. we had a ROCKista theme. everybody (well almost everybody) had a rocker look. it was fun. but i couldn't shake off the feeling of being left out or out-of-place. i cannot fully connect with them anymore. a lot of things had already happened to me and to them. it felt like i didn't know them anymore. i was there but because of the friendship we had before. it just didn't feel like i belong there anymore. i didn't know what to talk with them, i didn't know how their lives are now. i always feel that way. it also felt like that last year. i don't know why. i am not so sure if i'm the one with the problem. yeah, i think its me. i never give myself fully to friends. i never give myself fully to other people. i have always been like this, restrained with regards to friendship. i have never opened up myself to others, not even my best friend in high school or college. if i'd identify somebody who really knew me, it would be my ex-boyfriend.
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have to continue working with my thesis.............